Random Tales of Digimon
by fleeting heartbeat
Summary: It's exactly what the title says. Contains random tales of Digimon! ...and maybe the Chosen too. Done for The Oneshot Collective from Digimon Fanfiction Challnges Forum.
1. the question that caused so much trouble

**A/N:** _The Oneshot Collective _from Digimon Fanfiction Challenges Forum (reminiscent-afterthought). Challenge #01, Data. I hope I got this right. 0.o

**Warning:** ...randomness? (Oh, I gave the Candlemon names because it was getting really frustrating that I had to keep using 'the first' and 'the second'.)

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Digimon. I can't remember who does, actually. (:

* * *

**Challenge #01**

**i. Data**

_Do you think you'll die if I blow out the flame on your head? —Candmon (Candlemon)_

* * *

"Do you think you'll die if I blow out the flame on your head?" the first Candmon asked, bright red eyes staring up at the DemiMeramon-resembling flame perched on his friend's head.

The second Candmon's flame flickered in annoyance, attempting to glare back at the first Candmon _and_ his flame at the same time. Crossing his arms, he retorted, "How would I know? And just what _are _you going to do about it, Ichirou?"

Grinning devilishly, Ichirou rubbed his waxy palms together, his flame giggling in a way that probably meant _'I have something up my sleeve so you'd better watch out'_. The second Candmon shuddered to think about what his friend was deviously plotting.

"Why don't we try and—" Ichirou stopped abruptly when he realised that his hands had been stuck together. Eyes widening to the size of saucepans, he cursed, "Oh, crap."

Amused, the second Candmon — who went by the name of Jirou — burst into laughter, causing Ichirou's face to flush red and his flame to turn an even darker shade of red—orange—_whatever_. The point was, both candle and flame turned red with embarrassment.

"Congratulations," Jirou mocked, but he got his comeuppance in the next second when he tried to clap and of course, his hands ended up being stuck as well. "Damn it."

"That's called 'retribution'. Or 'comeuppance'. Whatever you want to call it," Ichirou said helpfully, eyes filled with glee at the sight of his friend stuck in the same situation.

"Shut up," Jirou muttered, trying to pry his hands apart. "Argh, damn it. Do you think Wizarmon could help us undo this?"

"I don't think so," Ichirou answered doubtfully, his flame nodding in agreement. "What about Gorou? He's pretty helpful."

At Ichirou's description of Gorou, Jirou nearly choked on his saliva and spat on the ground, scowling, "Helpful, my foot! That guy's an idiot! Why the hell is he even in this tribe? He's—"

"Okay, okay, I get the idea."

After a period of silence, Ichirou spoke up.

"Hey, could I—"

"No way am I going to let you experiment on you!" Jirou opposed, backing away in fear that Ichirou was about to suggest something…life-threatening. "Go find someone else to be your guinea pig!"

"I don't think of you as a guinea pig," Ichirou pointed out, frowning. "What _is_ a guinea pig anyway? Is that some creature from the Human World?"

Jirou shrugged — or whatever motion Candmons used to represent human shrugging — and replied, "I don't know. It's not like I've ever been there. Speaking of which, Elecmon said that one of the Digi-tamas that was sent to the Human World was a Mokumon!"

"So?"

Nearly smacking his forehead with his arms in pure frustration, he groaned, "Damn it, Ichirou. You are an idiot. Don't you know what that means?"

"Am I supposed to?" the blank look on Ichirou's face only frustrated him even more, to the point where he felt like tearing his hair out, though he obviously couldn't because his hands were stuck.

"That means that Mokumon will grow up and become a Candmon like us one day!" Jirou yelled, trying to throw his hands up — _trying_ — but failed, since his palms were _still _attached to each other. "Damn it, how did I end up—"

"You must be an idiot like me!" Ichirou suggested cheerfully, causing Jirou to topple over in sheer fury, and he _oh-so-happened_ to topple over Ichirou so that both of them ended up lying on the floor. "What the hell are you doing?"

"That's called 'retribution'. Or 'comeuppance'. Whatever you want to call it," Jirou mimicked smugly, content at watching Ichirou realise what he had done.

Indignantly, he used his elbows to push himself off the ground and protested, "Don't copy me!"

"Don't copy me!"

"Oh, shut up!" Ichirou hollered before adding as if nothing had happened, "Hey Jirou, could I—"

Feeling dread pool up in his stomach the moment Ichirou's face turned thoughtful, Jirou shouted, "_Over my dead body!_"

"Take a chill pill, flame brain," Ichirou scrunched his face up, eying the dancing flame that sat atop Jirou's head.

Jirou rolled his eyes and reminded, "Hello? If you're calling _me_ a flame brain, you're technically calling yourself one too. _And_ you're an idiot."

"Would you stop calling me an idiot?"

"No."

They lapsed into another period of silence until Hachirou skipped by merrily, noticing the gloomy aura that was literally hanging over them like a thundercloud. _What the hell? If it's going to rain then…_ "Oh God! We're going to die! It's going to rain and our fires are going to be put out and—"

"They are?" Ichirou asked eagerly, eyes sparkling with curiosity. "This is awesome! I'm going to be able to test out my theory!"

"Stupid Ichirou, you're going to die!" Jirou moaned, sinking to the ground. "Are you suicidal? Damn it, how're we going to—"

"Hey, you got your hands stuck?" Hachirou inquired, inspecting them inquisitively. _That's a lot of words starting with the letter 'i'. _"I know someone who could help!"

_"__Who?"_ the two nearly screamed into his face, leaning in so close that his vision was full — not to mention blurry — of them.

Raising his hands, Hachirou raised an eyebrow — if he had one — and advised, "Hey, hey, back off. Don't just scare me like that. Wizarmon can help. Didn't you think of him?"

_"__That's what I told you in the first place!"_ Jirou screeched, glaring angrily at Ichirou. "Damn it, I'm going to go first and that's that! You're the one who got me stuck in this mess in the first place, god damn it!"

Stomping furiously towards Wizarmon's hut on the other side of the village, Jirou left Ichirou with a very confused Hachirou, who was blinking rapidly. "What the hell just happened?" he asked, turning to Ichirou, who seemed equally baffled.

"I don't know. Mood swings? Maybe he's PMSing?"

"He's not a girl. And isn't PMSing a Human World term?"

"Oh yeah…I completely forgot!" Ichirou flashed a large grin, causing Hachirou to groan.

_I can see why you made Jirou that frustrated…_Hachirou thought grimly, turning around. "Well, I'll just be on my way back to—" When he realised that Ichirou was gone, he called, "Um, Ichirou? Ah, I guess he went off to find Wizarmon."

He had just taken a few steps before—

"Wait a minute! I just remembered! Wizarmon said that he was going out of town today!"

.

_Meanwhile…_

"What the hell? There isn't anyone here! _Hachirou!_" Jirou shrieked, boiling with rage. "God damn it! Can this day get any worse?"

_Maybe?_

* * *

So I finally got down to writing something for Digimon. I still don't like the quality of those I wrote half an eternity ago. ):

_Up Next:_ Virus

_Notes:_ ...I can't decide what I'm going to do. I haven't written it yet, and I'm waiting for an idea. Let's see, which one should I do?

i. _What do you take me for, a mechanic? -Hagurumon_

ii. _If we can't find any food, let's eat you first, okay? -Mushroomon_

And after that is Vaccine, which I have a pretty good idea of what I'm doing. (:

-fos (:


	2. the most horrible day you could have

****A/N:** **_The Oneshot Collective _from Digimon Fanfiction Challenges Forum.

**Warning:** Lots of RANDOMNESS! (X

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Digimon. I never claimed I did!

* * *

**Challenge #01**

**ii. Virus**

_What could possibly go wrong on this bright, sunny day? —Hagurumon_

* * *

It was a nice, bright morning that day. No work, no troublesome colleagues and bosses, just a whole lot of me-time. Hagurumon smiled to himself. What could possibly go wrong?

Later that day, he would learn that a lot of things could go wrong.

.

The first thing that went wrong was that he was rudely awakened by someone knocking loudly on his door and spamming the doorbell — it was ringing so loudly that it hurt his ears! Grumbling to himself, Hagurumon got out of bed and yelled, "I'm coming, I'm coming!"

But alas, when he opened the door, there was no one there. Narrowing his eyes, he stuck his head out of the door and looked left and right, but the corridor was empty. Well, empty except for his neighbour just stepping out of the house.

"Oi, Kurou! Was that you just now?" he hollered angrily, raising a gear at him.

Kurou glared at him and retorted, "What the hell are you talking about, you idiot?"

"I have a name," Hagurumon hissed. "And you've got some nerve to—"

"I did _not_ do anything, so if you're going to ask me to apologise, I suggest you shut up right now _because I'm not going to do that_!" Kurou threatened, one hand — or gear — reaching into his house for something — not that Hagurumon noticed.

Until a cherry pie came flying towards him and landed in his face.

He heard Kurou cackling away in the background while he walked to work, _"Too bad, Kenji!"_

That, was the second thing that went wrong.

.

After his day got off to a bad start, Kenji (yes, that was his name) decided that he had to be a little more careful if he wanted his day to be perfect — well, asides from that morning's events. Still, he thought that if he was _too_ careful, there would be three possible outcomes.

One, his day would be awesome. If you forgot about the pie incident.

Two, he would end up being too preoccupied with being cautious and end up creating a big mess that would lead to the conclusion at the end of the day that _this day was horrible._

Three, he would _still_ be too preoccupied with being cautious but instead, forgot to leave time to relax and in the end, he might as well have gone to work and face his horrible colleagues and boss. At least he would've gotten _something_ done.

He finished thinking all of this at breakfast, which was his usual heap of iron — which of course, was _not_ rusty. That was a start, he thought. Still, perhaps he had spent too much time overthinking all these consequences and…oh, he was at it again. Stupid him. _Stupid Kenji._

He glanced at the clock and smiled a little. It had been a whole half hour since the pie incident — he chose to refer to it as that. _Let's hope I can continue this streak! _Finishing up the last bits of his breakfast, he picked up the _porcelain_ — not iron, thank God (or he would have no cutlery left) — plate and headed to the kitchen to wash up. Things seemed to be considerably better.

How ironic, because the next moment he tripped over — _what the hell is a sponge doing here?!_ — a sponge and the porcelain plate slipped out of his gear-hands — whatever you want to call it — and oh, God _no_!

"The plate!" he wailed as he watched it smash into pieces against the wall, until he himself crashed into a wall.

Well, that was two more things added to the 'Things that Went Wrong Today' list.

(Yes, he's keeping track. And making a list.)

.

_Okay. So my morning wasn't that good. But the rest of the day will be better!_ Kenji tried convincing himself for the thousandth time.

Keyword — _tried._ Because after having four little accidents in hardly an hour, it was getting a little tricky to convince himself that his day would turn out a lot better. He was getting the feeling that no matter what he said to himself, today would still be a disastrous day.

But nonetheless, he found a way to make himself believe that it would work out in the end.

Smiling, he made his way to the door, preparing to go out. _Now, where could I go today? Maybe I'll go pay that new pastry shop a visit. _Of course, when a Hagurumon says 'pastry', it means 'iron and all sorts of metal that they consider food'.

Everything was absolutely fine when he reached the pastry shop. Surprisingly, nothing horrible had happened during the ten-minute walk from his apartment to the shop. Even after he had bought his pastries — ahem, _iron_ — and was on his way back home, nothing happened.

_Yup, this day will be perfect,_ Kenji thought smugly to himself.

It didn't last long, though, because three minutes later it began raining _very_ heavily. His pastry was soaked and he feared it was going to rust before realising that _he_ might start rusting and, oh God, he just started panicking! And—

_Deep breaths, Kenji. Deep breaths. Stop panicking!_

The first thing he did was run all the way to the nearest shelter. It was pouring outside and he really didn't wanted to get soaked to the bone — or gear, in his case — though he was more worried about rusting.

_Wait a minute, I should have some kinda resistance, shouldn't I? Oh well, won't take the risk._ He looked around and groaned. The only way back home without going out in the rain was taking a very, _very_ long detour around the block of flats.

"Well, I've got nothing better to do for the time being anyways," he muttered as he started walking. Then, remembering his soaked pastries, he sighed and tossed them into the nearest rubbish bin. "What a waste," he lamented.

Make that a total of six things on the list.

.

When he reached home in the afternoon, he wondered, _What could go wrong if I sit here on the couch and watch television for the rest of the day? _A smile lit up his face. _Nothing! Perfect. I'll spend the rest of the day like this, doing harmless little things that couldn't make my day worse. Things are going to be a-ok from here on!_

Or at least, that was what he told himself.

Things were fine for the rest of the afternoon. He ate more iron for lunch (thank God nothing happened there) and watched a bunch of kiddy cartoons (for his age) on television. Everything was fine. But of course, something _just_ had to happen again! _I swear, it's like someone's trying to take revenge on me!_

He was lazily switching from channel to channel at eight when the whole house went dark. Pitch-black. And he nearly let out a high-pitched, girly scream that would get him teasing for the rest of his life from his neighbours.

"Are you kidding me? A blackout? Can't I just enjoy my off-day?" he screeched in frustration, finally unable to take it anymore.

Yup, he _definitely_ learnt that a lot of things could go wrong on this seemingly wonderful, bright and sunny day. (Hey, don't forget that it rained!)

* * *

I had too much fun writing this. This was so fun to write! (X I love torturing people, if I actually have ideas on what to do with them. *checks my stories* Whoops, need to get back to writing Happy Times. Been a while. ):

Oh yeah, I totally got off track from what I was going to write, from the moment I wrote the knocking on the door part. Somehow, it became some prank from his neighbour (they're all Hagurumons!) instead of some pesky neighbour who was trouble with his electrical appliances and came asking him (Kenji, I gave him a name too) for help. (Mechanic, remember?)

...I never considered the Mushroomon idea in the end.

_And Up Next!_

_Why are the butterflies here so tiny? —Butterflamon (Butterflymon)_

See you next time! (:

-fos


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